(原題: I, Hub(April Fools))

SCP-JP SB3 » 08sr_のサンドボックスポータル » (原題: I, Hub(April Fools))

元記事: https://scp-wiki.wikidot.com/i-hub

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+ CODE

- CODE

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I, Hub

🦎

このハブは絶叫…そして絶叫がシステムの一部…それに注意して!

このメッセージを送ることは私たちにとって重要なことでした。 We considered ourselves to be a Discord for a Z-list creepypasta site.

This hub is not a hub of honor… no highly esteemed deed is commemorated here… nothing valued is here.

What is here was dangerous and repulsive to us. This message is a warning about the lizard.

The lizard is in a particular location… it adapts to any stimuli… the center of danger is here… of a particular size and shape, and below us.

The lizard is still present, in your time, as it was in ours.

The danger is to the body, and it can kill.

The form of the danger is an acidbath.

The danger is unleashed only if you substantially disturb this place via reading. This place is best shunned and left unread.

I, Stories

I, 5m x 5m x 5m Containment Chamber

I, Thread (Forum Post)

I, Archduke Franz Ferdinand

I, Conservative Ancap

🦎

I don't… I don't know quite where to start. I mean, where does it even begin?

I suppose you can begin at the Big Bang but, like, even then. It goes far earlier than our cosmos could ever comprehend. Buuuuut, I guess the Big Bang's as good a starting place as any.

They did make the universe explode, after all.

Those first quarks, atoms, molecules? Effectively this guy stomping his foot in some mock attempt to speed up time. And, y'know, it took a while. Like, millions of years while. But this guy's patient, y'know. They know how to wait in line at the supermarket without knocking over the knick-knacks. At least, at first. But we'll get to that.

Fast forward a couple of stars, galaxies, elements, our hero's stuck floating in space for a while. And, y'know, it's cold and empty out there. So this guy thinks for a while. They think and think, mostly about themselves since, y'know, cold and empty. They think about their limits. Who are they? They're some mass of gas, perhaps condensing into something more solid, like a monk comet. They about how they are to survive for the next millennia in space as a physical entity. They figure they can't help the loneliness aspect but they can make themselves a blanket. Slowly.

Sitting and waiting for the universe to kickstart proved their patience, but now they needed to prove their ingenuity. And, well, I can't say they failed.

They essentially produced a layer of warm blubber around their body through sheer willpower. By an understanding of who they were, they could find their weaknesses and improve upon themselves.

By the time they've produced their layer of blubber, now a more cohesive organism, they spot some insignificant spec of dirt in the far black. Finally. A planet.

They tumble into the pre-cambrian ocean, landing a graceful 10, and immediately adjust to their surroundings. They don't even realize they've changed until they look at themselves and see slimy scales instead of thick blubber. Somehow, they automatically adapted to the Earth's warmer atmosphere. The space meditation payed off, I suppose. Real Buddhist.

Things happened relatively quickly now, with the whole evolution thing figured out. They easily adapted to Earth's oxidization crisis, growing into a more complex organism. Legs came not too long after, then forelimbs, then walking.

Dinosaurs!

Bye dinosaurs!

Our hero was so distraught at the dinosaurs' swift fall that they permanently assumed a dinosaurian appearance. Good on them for being socially conscious.

The mammals rampaged the Earth afterward. The mammoths and saber tooth tigers and hominids a-

Hominids.

That, our hero does not like.

Not even out of, like, prejudice (though our hero does despise fish for no good reason). They're… uncharacteristically wary of these guys. They seem just smart enough that they could prove annoying, though surely our lizard friend would maintain dominance. After all, these monkeys get scared by lightning bolts and funny rats. Not a threat.

Not a threat…

The next couple thousand years seem slower to the lizard than what they're accustomed to. These mammals are really trying to build a civilization, huh? May as well watch them.

Oh, they've got tents and spears? Pretty neat.

Oh, they've domesticated horses? Interesting…

Oh. They've got cities now.

Infrastructure.

Hunting.

Although our hero certainly adapts to what's around them, the growing presence of humans makes food scarce. The grazing lands are disappearing. Wooden boats fill the oceans. Didn't our lizard own these regions just a couple million years prior?

This isn't right. This isn't right. This isn't right. Those fucking hominids went and fucked everything up, didn't they, went and screwed everything up. Food, water, all disappearing at an increasingly higher rate. The feeling turns from hatred to utter despisement.

They're… disgusting.

Then some horror writers put him in an acid bath and now we're here weeeeeeeeeeee!

‡ Licensing / Citation