SCP-5787 - Bad Things Happen in Philadelphia

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出典: SCP-5787
著者: PlaguePJP, J Dune
作成日(EN)： 2020/11/18
SCP-5787 - Bad Things Happen in Philadelphia
SCP-5787 - フィラデルフィアのヤバいこと
Tags: building co-authored compulsion food humanoid infohazard keter metallic sapient scp sentient
タグ: keter scp 人間型共著建造物強制力情報災害知性自我金属食物

3/5787 LEVEL 3/5787

CLASSIFIED

アイテム番号: SCP-5787

Keter

Geno's Steaks, the locus of SCP-5787./SCP-5787の発生地点、ジーノズ・ステーキ。

Special Containment Procedures: Foundation web-crawling team ALPHA/CYAN/JOSEPH are to disseminate instructions regarding the cheesesteak ordering process at Geno's Steaks to internet tourist forums and social media pages. Victims of SCP-5787 are to be located, detained, and provided Class-A amnestics.

特別収容プロトコル: 財団webクローリングチーム ALPHA/CYAN/JOSEPHは、ジーノズ・ステーキでチーズステーキを注文する際の過程に関する指示をインターネット上の観光客フォーラムやソーシャルメディアページで流布します。SCP-5787の被害者は位置を特定し、拘留後に記憶処理を施します。

A nearby surveillance system has been tapped by Foundation operates, this is to be viewed on a daily basis, specifically during peak hours. A designated team has been assigned to surveil on major tourist holidays.

付近の監視システムが財団諜報員によって傍受されています。このシステムは日常的に、特にピーク時間帯中に観察が行われます。観光客の多い休日中の監視には専属チームが割り当てられています。

Description: SCP-5787 is the phenomenon occurring at Geno's Steaks in Philadelphia, PA. Geno's Steaks follows a semi-strict linguistic guideline when ordering from their store. For example, a customer who wants a cheesesteak with cheese whiz and onions they would order a "whiz wit." A "whiz witout" would be a cheesesteak with cheese wiz and no onions.¹

説明: SCP-5787はペンシルベニア州フィラデルフィアのジーノズ・ステーキで発生する現象です。ジーノズ・ステーキにおいて、その店舗で注文をする際には一部制限された言語的ガイドラインに従う必要があります。例として、ある顧客がチーズ・ウィズとタマネギを使用したチーズステーキを購入したい場合、その顧客は「ウィズ・ウィット(whiz wit)」を注文することになります。「ウィズ・ウィタウト(whiz witout)」はチーズ・ウィズを使用し、タマネギを使用していないチーズステーキを指します。²

SCP-5787 activates once a patron, henceforth SCP-5787-1, incorrectly orders on three separate trips to the store. When this occurs, SCP-5787-1 will instantly dematerialize. Questioning has found that the witnessing cashier will have no recollection of the SCP-5787-1.

SCP-5787は、ある顧客(以下SCP-5787-1)が、店舗への別個の3回の来店の際に間違った方法で注文を行うことで活性化します。この状況が発生すると、SCP-5787-1は瞬時に消失します。これを目撃したレジ係への質問では、彼らがSCP-5787-1を全く記憶していないことが判明しています。

Within the proceeding 10 to 20 minutes, SCP-5787-1 will appear across the street from Geno's Steaks, unharmed. SCP-5787-1 will then approach the shop and correctly order a cheesesteak. Subsequent investigations have found that SCP-5787-1 instances will always accurately follow the linguistic guideline.

その後10～20分以内に、SCP-5787-1は無傷の状態でジーノズ・ステーキから延びる通りの路上に出現します。SCP-5787-1は続いて店舗に接近し、正しくチーズステーキを注文します。後続の調査によって、SCP-5787-1個体は常に先述の言語的ガイドラインに正確に従うことが判明しています。

Research throughout the city of Philadelphia has confirmed that SCP-5787 is restricted to Geno's Steaks.

フィラデルフィア市全域での調査の結果、SCP-5787はジーノズ・ステーキに限定されたものであることが確認されています。

Addendum One — Interview

補遺1 — インタビュー

INTERVIEW LOG

インタビュー記録

Foreword: Heightened surveillance procedures were enacted over the course of the month; plainclothes Foundation operatives were stationed outside of Geno's Steaks and Cover Story Beta-7 ("Documentary") was prepared for action. On 7/4/2017, surveillance witnessed Quentin Rodriguez dematerialize outside of Geno's Steaks. Upon reappearing, he was approached by Agent Franklin.

序: この月の間、監視強化プロトコルが発動された。私服財団諜報員がジーノズ・ステーキ外に駐留し、活動に備えてカバーストーリー・ベータ-7 ("ドキュメンタリー")が準備されていた。2017/7/4、監視中にクエンティン・ロドリゲス氏がジーノズ・ステーキ外で消失したことが確認された。再出現時、エージェント・フランクリンが氏に接触した。

Franklin: Thanks for agreeing to speak with us, Mr. Rodriguez. It's important that we get a feel for how the locals respond to these iconic locations.

Rodriguez: Huh? Oh. Yeah, I'm not from around here, man, but it's great and all. Just great. I'd be… I'd be eating here every day if I could. (Laughs)

Franklin: Is that so? This the first time you've had a Philly cheesesteak?

Rodriguez: No-no-no. I come to Philly every few weeks for work. Gotta love the cheesesteak — Geno's too. Haha…

(Rodriguez clutches his head repeatedly)

Franklin: Is everything alright, sir?

Rodriguez: Just a bit of a headache… after, uh. Oh god. (Burps). I'll be back.

(Rodriguez hurriedly jogs away from the crew, returning three minutes later. A small smattering of what appears to be vomit can be seen on the bottom of his shirt.)

Franklin: Mr. Rodriguez?

Rodriguez: Look, man, I don't know if I can do this, I've been… a little sick. Geno's. Great place. Love it. Gotta love a great place like Geno's.

Franklin: Not a problem! One last question. As a visitor, how did you feel about the linguistic side of your order? That whole 'wit' and 'witout' thing. Were you surprised about that?

Rodriguez: No… no, not at all. I completely and totally understand why they have rules like that. Tradition. Big tradition around these parts, I guess. I'd never order wrong. Gotta order right. Gotta love a great place like… a great place like Geno's.

Franklin: Well, thank you for your time.

(Rodriguez stares ahead as Agent Franklin goes to shake his hand. Rodriguez's hand goes limp, and for 15 seconds, Rodriguez sits motionless.)

Franklin: Sir?

Rodriguez: (Startled) Ah! Uh, yeah. No problem. Thank you, good luck.

フランクリン: 我々の取材を許可していただきありがとうございます、ロドリゲスさん。地元の方がこういった象徴的な場所にどう反応しているのかを掴むのは我々にとって非常に重要なんです。

ロドリゲス: えっ？ああ。あの、実は私はこのあたりの出身ではないのですが、その、ここは本当に美味しいですよ。実に美味しい。もし… できることなら毎日ここで食事をしたいほどです。(笑う)

フランクリン: そうなんですか？ではフィリーチーズステーキを食べたのはこれが初めてですか？

ロドリゲス: いえいえ。仕事で何週間かに一回フィリーに来るんです。チーズステーキを好きにならないはずがないですよ — ジーノズもね。ハハ…

(ロドリゲス氏が繰り返し頭を抱える)

フランクリン: 大丈夫ですか？

ロドリゲス: 少し頭痛がしただけですよ… 後で、あっ。まずい。(げっぷをする) すぐ戻ってきます。

(ロドリゲス氏は小走りでクルーの元を離れ、3分後に戻ってくる。少量の吐瀉物と思われるものが氏のシャツの下部にみられる。)

フランクリン: ロドリゲスさん？

ロドリゲス: あの、すみません、続けられるかわかりません、少し… 気分が悪いんです。ジーノズは。素晴らしいところです。好きです。ジーノズみたいな場所を好きにならないはずがない。

フランクリン: 大丈夫ですよ！最後の質問です。地元住民でない人として、注文方法の言語的な点についてはどうお考えですか？全て「ウィット」か「ウィタウト」で頼む点です。そのことについて驚かれましたか？

ロドリゲス: いえ… いいえ、全く。どうしてそのような決まりがあるのかは完全に、全て理解していますから。伝統なんです。こういうことの周りには素晴らしい伝統があるんだと思います、多分。もう絶対に頼み方を間違えない。こんなに素晴らしい場所を… ジーノズみたいな場所を好きにならないはずがない。

フランクリン: えー、お時間を取らせていただきありがとうございました。

(エージェント・フランクリンが手を振り始めると、ロドリゲス氏が前方を凝視する。ロドリゲス氏の両手は垂れ下がっており、15秒間ロドリゲス氏は動かずに座っている。)

フランクリン: ちょっと？

ロドリゲス: (驚いた様子で) はっ！ああ、いえ。何でもないです。ありがとうございました、頑張ってください。

研究者注: インタビュー後、ロドリゲス氏は拘束された上で記憶処理を施され、速やかに解放された。その後のインタビューの結果も、同様の決定的でないものとなった。ロドリゲス氏の精神状態と氏が何ら疾患に罹患していないことを考慮すると、Dクラスによる探査は正当なものであるとみなせる。

Addendum Two — D-Class Investigation Transcript

補遺2 — Dクラス調査転写

+ Open Investigation Log/調査記録を開く +

- Close Investigation Log/調査記録を閉じる -

TRANSCRIPT

転写

Foreword: D-2392 was chosen to lead an investigation of SCP-5787. He broke the ordering guidelines two times prior to this transcript.

序: SCP-5787の調査を行う人員として、D-2392が選出された。彼は本転写以前に注文時のガイドラインに2度違反している。

«BEGIN LOG»

(D-2392 approaches the countertop. The cashier can be seen leaning through the open ordering window.)

D-2392: Hi! Can I have a cheesesteak sandwich with American cheese and onions, please?

(The cashier's pupils dilate, and her skin goes pale.)

Cashier: Yes, sir. Coming up right away, sir. You've made a terrible mistake, sir.

D-2392: Huh—

(The cashier points at D-2392.)

Cashier: Reconcile and repent!

(The feed flashes white. Suddenly, D-2392 is lying on carpeted flooring. He stands, finding himself in a small, elegantly decorated library. He places both hands on his back, stretching.)

Still frame of D-2392's body camera.

D-2392: (Groaning) Christ, my back.

Unknown Voice: Great, another tourist.

(D-2392 turns to his right, finding a humanoid entity resembling William Penn composed of oxidized copper. The entity, henceforth SCP-5787-2, is sitting in a loveseat.)

D-2392: Holy shit! You're the —

SCP-5787-2: No, I'm not the Quaker Oats guy. I can practically smell the out-of-state on you. Take a seat.

(D-2392 complies, sitting in a wooden chair.)

SCP-5787-2: Do you have any idea what you just did?

D-2392: I ordered a cheesesteak wrong.

SCP-5787-2: Very good! You ordered the cheesesteak wrong. Maybe they accept that sort of foreign chumfuckery at Pat's³, but over here? Not gonna fly. You want the history lesson, or should we just cut to the chase?

D-2392: I'll take the exposition, sir.

SCP-5787-2: (Sighing) Very well. We Philadelphians sit on the fine balance provided by The Glorious Wit-Witout. Steak. Cheese. Onions. Bread. Maybe peppers if you're feeling up to it. With that balance comes restrictions. Restrictions that must be followed by enough people to retain that balance, else risking a collapse, and with us, The Glorious Wit-Witout.

D-2392: The Glorious Wit-Witout?

SCP-5787-2: Mm. When we were conceived, we were founded on simplicity — steak, cheese, and a roll. Ergo, you describe a cheesesteak with a simple two or three words. You following? Simple. Now, what do you think happens when you complicate the ordering of such a simple sandwich?

D-2392: Whatever… this is?

SCP-5787-2: Catastrophe. The very scales of the universe slowly tip out of our favor. When a foolish creature such as yourself violates these simple rules, The Glorious Wit-Witout grows restless.

D-2392: I still don't know what a Wit-Witout is. Do you mean like, like —

SCP-5787-2: How about I show you instead? (It stands.) Come, you're wasting time.

(SCP-5787-2 leads D-2392 through an arched hallway and down a torchlit stone staircase. At the bottom is a large, iron door.)

D-2392: This isn't like a… this isn't a sex thing right?

SCP-5787-2: You'll be wishing it was.

(SCP-5787-2 pulls the latch and forcefully pushes the door revealing a large, barely illuminated chasm. In the center is a marble altar surrounded by a ring of fire.)

SCP-5787-2: Come along, outlander. There are sins you must atone for.

(The two approach the altar.)

D-2392: Hey— look, I really didn't mean to — I apologize for offending you—

(As the altar becomes more visible, a large wooden box can be seen situated on top of it. SCP-5787-2 approaches the box, prostrates itself before it, and begins chanting.)

SCP-5787-2: Oh, great one! Cultivator of Carbohydrates, Sultan of Simplicity, Presider of Philidelphia, and he who is, was, and will forever be wit and forever be witout — The Glorious Wit-Witout!

(The box begins to tremble.)

SCP-5787-2: Bestow upon us your graciousness, as you grant the sacrament of penance to this undeserving outlander!

(The rate of trembling increases as thick, black smoke pours from the box.)

SCP-5787-2: Show mercy, my liege!

(The box snaps open, startling D-2392. From it rises a thick, orange mass. The central point is pulled up into a rounded peak which then widens, contorting into a head-and-neck-like structure. It appears to open its mouth and moans. Below it, two appendages resembling grilled onions force themselves through, twisting into arms and hands. Pieces of fried beef float within the entity's viscous body, two large portions gathering in the upper head area, representing eyes. The bottom half of the amorphous entity is unseen, still inside the box from which it emerged.)

D-2392: The fuck?

SCP-5787-2: Behold! The personification of The Glorious Wit-Witout!

(The Wit-Witout groans as it stretches its body towards D-2392. A gurgled voice leaves its mouth.)

Wit-Witout: Penn! Why did you summon me?

SCP-5787-2: Same as yesterday, my lord.

Wit-Witout: Dammit! This is torture! I hate doing this. Just order your goddamn cheesesteak correctly, it's not that hard! There's even a sign!

(The Wit-Witout begins to cry. SCP-5787-2 removes itself from his position of prostration and begins comforting the entity.)

SCP-5787-2: Do not weep, my lord! You're going to be just fine, okay?

Wit-Witout: (Sobs) It hurts so much in this form!

SCP-5787-2: I’m sorry, my lord, (To D-2392) You. Eat him.

D-2392: What do you mean 'eat him?' That thing?

SCP-5787-2: All of him.

Wit-Witout: Please fucking do it! (It moans in agony as it thrashes its body in the air.) You'll do me a favor!

SCP-5787-2: You don't have a choice in the matter, and you're not leaving until you do. This is the only way.

(The Wit-Witout stretches over to D-2392, gripping onto his pants.)

Wit-Witout: (Cries) Please. I'm begging you. Eat me. End it.

SCP-5787-2: Sir, you're embarrassing yourself.

(The Wit-Witout holds its hand to D-2392's mouth.)

Wit-Witout: Everything burns, please help me!

D-2392: (Sighs) I need a new job.

(D-2392 bites into the Wit Witout's hand.)

D-2392: (Chews) Huh, not bad. It doesn't taste like cheez-whiz either. What is that?

SCP-5787-2: The personification of The Glorious Wit Witout is a combination of Provolone, cheez-whiz, and American cheese. (Pause) Say the thing, my lord.

Wit-Witout: Oh yeah. (It takes a shallow breath) I wash ye with the blessing of the Wit Witout, the universal scales tip ever so even. Fucking whatever.

SCP-5787-2: You may continue.

(Over the next 10 minutes, D-2392 manages to consume the entire humanoid.)

SCP-5787-2: How do you feel?

(D-2392 does not respond.)

SCP-5787-2: Excellent.

(The picture becomes white before showing D-2392 on the pavement across the street from Geno's Steaks. He quickly runs to a nearby restroom and proceeds to vomit for five minutes. After recollecting himself, he approaches the shop and correctly orders a sandwich.)

«END LOG»

«記録開始»

(D-2392がカウンターに接近する。開いた注文窓を通して、寄りかかっているレジ係が見える。)

D-2392: すみません！アメリカンチーズとオニオン入りのチーズステーキ・サンドイッチを一つください。

(レジ係の瞳孔が拡大し、顔が青ざめる。)

レジ係: わかりました。すぐにこちらへお越しください。あなたは恐ろしい過ちをなさっています。

D-2392: えっ—

(レジ係がD-2392を指差す。)

レジ係: 和解し、悔い改めよ！

(映像が白く光る。突然、D-2392は絨毯が敷かれた床の上に横たわった状態となっている。彼は立ち上がり、自身が格調高い装飾の施された小さな図書館にいることに気付く。彼は背中側に両手を動かし、伸ばす。)

Still frame of D-2392's body camera./D-2392のボディカメラから取得された静止画像。