SCP-6959 - A Very Strange Fumo

SCP-JP SB3 » Flips_0122の元素置き場(III) » SCP-6959 - A Very Strange Fumo

出典: SCP-6959
著者: MrBonesWildRide
作成日(EN)： 2022/03/30
SCP-6959 - A Very Strange Fumo
SCP-6959 - とっても妙ストレンジなふもふも
Tags: _image _licensebox extraterrestrial k-class-scenario physics safe scp toy transfiguration
タグ: en k-クラスシナリオ safe scp 地球外変容物理学

A standard Touhou Plush doll resembling SCP-6959/SCP-6959に類似する標準的な『東方Project』ぬいぐるみ。

Item #: SCP-6959

アイテム番号: SCP-6959

Object Class: Safe

オブジェクトクラス: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-6959 is to be kept in a vacuum sealed chamber suspended by 2 surrounding electromagnets, kept charged by a constant supply of power. Generators are to be inspected every two days for faults.

特別収容プロトコル: SCP-6959は恒常的な電力供給によって充電を保たれた、周囲を取り囲む2基の電磁石によって浮遊状態を維持された真空密封チャンバー内に留め置かれます。発電機は2日ごとに問題がないかを検査されます。

The object's containment cell is constructed of steel-reinforced concrete, with the only entrance to the cell being a secure airlock requiring clearance 4 or above permission to be opened. Any unauthorized entrance detected within the cell will be met with immediate termination to prevent a containment failure. Any testing performed on SCP-6959 must be authorized by Site Director Roerens.

当オブジェクトの収容セルは鉄骨鉄筋コンクリートで建造されており、セルへの唯一の入口は開く際にクリアランス4以上の許可を必要とする堅牢なエアロックです。セル内で無許可の侵入が検知された場合は、収容に障害が出ることを防ぐために即座の終了を以て対応されます。SCP-6959に関するあらゆる実験はサイト管理官ローレンスの承認を得る必要があります。

説明: SCP-6959はPCゲーム『東方紅魔郷～ the Embodiment of Scarlet Devil.』のキャラクター“チルノ”の“ふもふもぬいぐるみ”に類似した物体です。SCP-6959はタグが存在しない点を除き、あらゆる大量生産品のぬいぐるみと識別可能な審美的差異を有しません。当オブジェクトの組成は完全にストレンジ物質からなっており、該当する物質に関連する仮説上のすべての特徴を示しています。SCP-6959がどのようにして現在の外観を得るに至ったのかは現時点では明らかになっていません。宇宙空間におけるSCP-6959の起源、およびそれがどのように地球と衝突する軌道に至ったかに関する調査が進行中です。

SCP-6959 presents a significant danger to Earth as any matter it comes into contact with will undergo an instant conversion and be added to SCP-6959's mass; it is hypothesized that SCP-6959 could completely convert the earth within 5 hours of initial contact resulting in an XK-Class End-Of-The-World scenario. Due to the properties of strange matter, efforts to destroy or cause cellular decay in SCP-6959 have proved useless, and research suggests SCP-6959 could only be permanently removed if jettisoned into a black hole or through the use of paradimensional anomalies.

接触したあらゆる物質が瞬時に変換され、SCP-6959の質量に追加されることから、SCP-6959は地球に対して極めて大きな危険を呈しています。SCP-6959は最初の接触から5時間以内に地球を完全に変換し、XK-クラス世界終焉シナリオを引き起こすことが可能であると推測されています。ストレンジ物質の性質によりSCP-6959を破壊する、もしくはSCP-6959に細胞性崩壊を引き起こす試みは無益であることが証明されており、また研究の結果SCP-6959はブラックホールに投棄する、もしくは超次元的異常を利用することによってのみ恒久的な排除が可能であると示されています。

Discovery: The earliest record of SCP-6959's existence was a routine NASA drone's report on 2/17/09, it was determined to be on a collision course with the Earth. Foundation efforts were requested and SCP-6959 was successfully inserted into a temporary containment unit on 3/11/22. No origin point for SCP-6959's travel has been determined, further research is pending.

発見: SCP-6959の存在に関する最初の記録は09/2/17のNASAの無人機の定例報告です。この時点でSCp-6959は地球と衝突する軌道を取っていると断定されました。財団の尽力が要請され、3/11/22にはSCP-6959を一時収容ユニットに収めることに成功しました。SCP-6959の移動の起点は特定されておらず、さらなる研究については保留中です。

Clearance level 4 detected. Welcome Dr. Roerens. Would you like to access SCP-6959 with elevated clearance?/クリアランスレベル4を検知しました。ようこそ、ローレンス博士。上位のクリアランスでSCP-6959にアクセスしますか？

[Y]

A photo of RX J1856-3754 taken before fusion event/融合イベント発生前に撮影されたRX J1856-3754の写真

Item #: SCP-6959

アイテム番号: SCP-6959

Object Class: Safe

オブジェクトクラス: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: NO CHANGES FROM LOWER CLEARANCE REVISION.

特別収容プロトコル: 下位クリアランス版リビジョンから変更なし。

Description: SCP-6959 resembles a Fumo Plush doll of the character Cirno from the video game "Embodiment of Scarlet Devil". SCP-6959 has no discernable aesthetic differences from any factory-made doll apart from lacking a tag. The object's makeup consists entirely of strange matter, displaying traits previously hypothesized with the substance. SCP-6959 originated from the fusion of neutron stars RX J1856.5−3754 and JT J17855.2-3752, strangelets expunged during the process formed into SCP-6959, which subsequently came to be on a collision course with Earth. Through the use of procedure Merlin-184, it has been confirmed that SCP-6959 is non-anomalous. Despite this, due to the events outlined in Addendum 6959-A and a unanimous vote from the O5 Council, SCP-6959 will not be classified with an -EX appendage. Information regarding the true nature of SCP-6959 is not to be disclosed to anyone below Level 4 clearance.

SCP-6959はPCゲーム『東方紅魔郷～ the Embodiment of Scarlet Devil.』のキャラクター“チルノ”の“ふもふもぬいぐるみ”に類似した物体です。SCP-6959はタグが存在しない点を除き、あらゆる大量生産品のぬいぐるみと識別可能な審美的差異を有しません。当オブジェクトの組成は完全にストレンジ物質からなっており、該当する物質に関連する、以前に仮説として提示されていたすべての特質を示しています。SCP-6959は中性子星RX J1856.5−3754とJT J17855.2-3752の融合によって発生しました。融合の過程で破壊されたストレンジレットによって形成されたSCP-6959は、その後地球と衝突する軌道を取るに至りました。SCP-6959は手順マーリン-14の利用を通して非異常であることが確認されています。これにもかかわらず、補遺6959-Aに概説されている事象およびO5評議会による全会一致の投票により、SCP-6959の分類に-EX接尾辞が付与されることはありません。SCP-6959の真の性質に関する情報はレベル4未満のクリアランスのいかなる職員にも公開されません。

Despite its lack of anomalous characteristics, SCP-6959 still presents a significant danger to Earth, as any matter it comes into contact with will undergo an instant conversion to SCP-6959's mass. It is theorized that SCP-6959 may have the ability to thoroughly convert the Earth within five hours of initial contact, resulting in an XK-Class End-Of-The-World Scenario. Due to the properties of strange matter efforts to destroy or cause cellular decay in SCP-6959 have proved useless. Research suggests SCP-6959 could only be permanently removed if jettisoned into a black hole or through the use of paradimensional anomalies.

異常特性を有さないにもかかわらず、接触したあらゆる物質が瞬時にSCP-6959の質量に変換されることから、SCP-6959は依然として地球に対して極めて大きな危険を呈しています。SCP-6959は最初の接触から5時間以内に地球を全て変換し、XK-クラス世界終焉シナリオを引き起こす能力を持つ可能性があると推測されています。ストレンジ物質の性質によりSCP-6959を破壊する、もしくはSCP-6959に細胞性崩壊を引き起こす試みは無益であることが証明されています。研究の結果、SCP-6959はブラックホールに投棄する、もしくは超次元的異常を利用することによってのみ恒久的な排除が可能であると示されています。

Addendum 6959-A: The following is a series of events following the research efforts of Site Director Evan Roerens and Temporary Co-Site Director Everett Chalmers in relation to SCP-6959. Dr. Roerens was given supervision of experiments regarding SCP-6959 with Dr. Chalmers being assigned to documentation and interpreting information regarding the object.

補遺6959-A: 以下はサイト管理官エヴァン・ローレンスと一時共同サイト管理官エヴァレット・チャルマーズによって行われた、SCP-6959に関連する研究努力に続いて発生した一連の事象です。ローレンス博士はSCP-6959に関する実験の監督を行い、チャルマーズ博士はオブジェクトに関する情報の文書化及び解釈を担当しました。

To: Dr. Everett Chalmers
From: Dr. Evan Roerens
Subject: SCP-6959 Assignment
Date: 3/13/22

Good morning Chalmers,

Glad to see we're going to be working together again, it's been a while hasn't it? Seems I've been given authority over experiments with SCP-6959, you'll be documenting our results and overseeing the SCP file. Since we've only recently gotten this thing contained I'd say it'd be best for us to not jump the gun here. How about we get a plan drafted out and start tests on Tuesday?

Best,
Evan

To: エヴァレット・チャルマーズ博士
From: エヴァン・ローレンス博士
件名: SCP-6959の割当
日付: 3/13/22

おはよう、チャルマーズ。

また君と共に働けることをうれしく思う。久しぶりだね。僕はSCP-6959についての実験の権限を与えられ、君は僕たちが出した結果を文書化し、SCPファイルを監査することになったようだ。つい最近これを収容して以来、僕たちがここで早まった行動を取るのはやめておくのが最善だろうと思っている。計画の草稿を作って、火曜日から実験を始めるのはどうだろうか？

幸運を。
エヴァン

To: Dr. Evan Roerens
From: Dr. Everett Chalmers
Subject: Re: SCP-6959 Assignment
Date: 3/13/22

Good morning as well,

Seems we are working again, I think the last time was in 2009? Sometime around then, I hope the years have treated you well. Your plan sounds good, I'll be seeing you soon and we can begin!

Regards,
Everett

To: エヴァン・ローレンス博士
From: エヴァレット・チャルマーズ博士
件名: Re: SCP-6959の割当
日付: 3/13/22

こちらこそ、おはようございます。

また一緒に働けることになったようですけど、前は2009年でしたっけ？その頃だと思いますけど、それ以来お元気でしょうか。計画も良さそうに思うので、近いうちにお会いして始めましょうか！

敬意を込めて。
エヴァレット

13/14/22 Test Log 6959-A

TEST-1
Procedure	A small amount of hydrochloric acid is poured onto SCP-6959 using an automated dropper.
Results	The acidic solution was immediately absorbed into SCP-6959's mass; the object sustains no damage.
TEST-2
Procedure	An automated flamethrower is used on object.
Results	Gasses from the fire are immediately absorbed into SCP-6959's mass; the object sustains no damage.
Conclusion	It is hypothesized that SCP-6959 either adheres to its indestructable properties, or simply absorbs particles too rapidly to sustain damage.

3/14/22¹ 実験記録6959-A

実験-1
手順	自動点滴器を用いて少量の塩酸をSCP-6595に垂らす。
結果	酸性水溶液は速やかにSCP-6595に吸収された。オブジェクトは損傷のない状態を維持する。
実験-2
手順	自動火炎放射器をオブジェクトに使用する。
結果	炎から発生した気体は速やかにSCP-6959に吸収される。オブジェクトは損傷のない状態を維持する。
結論	SCP-6959は破壊不能性を備えている、あるいは単に損傷が発生するよりも非常に早く粒子を吸収していると推測される。

To: Dr. Everett Chalmers
From: Dr. Evan Roerens
Subject: Results
Date: 3/14/22

Results from our tests haven't given us much, we can't damage it and the rate at which it converts matter is staggering. Our best guess currently is possibly some reality-bending shenanigans. I'm ordering some Anchors from Site-84 they should get here tomorrow. If you have any suggestions my ears are open.

Thank you,
Evan

To: エヴァレット・チャルマーズ博士
From: エヴァン・ローレンス博士
件名: 結果について
日付: 3/14/22

実験の結果から得られたことは多くはなかった。損傷を与えることはできなかったし、6959が物質を変換する速度は驚異的だった。現時点での僕たちの最有力の仮説は、もしかしたら何らかの現実改変で損傷をなかったことにしているのではないかというものだ。サイト-84に錨をいくつか頼んでおいたから、明日にはここに着くはずだ。もし提案があったら何でも聞くよ。

ありがとう。
エヴァン

To: Dr. Even Roerens
From: Dr. Everett Chalmers
Subject: Re:Results
Date: 3/14/22

We'll probably see fruit from the reality anchors, this wouldn't be the first time some bender decided to play a practical joke. If those don't work out try to see if it's some kind of cognitohazard, it could be fucking with us to think it looks a way it actually doesn't. I've had similar assignments to this one, they start out mysterious and spooky, but once you figure out what's going on behind the scenes all their secrets spill out like a unclogged dam! We'll have this one in the bag in no time.

Best,
Everett

To: エヴァン・ローレンス博士
From: エヴァレット・チャルマーズ博士
件名: Re:結果について
日付: 3/14/22

たぶん、現実錨を使えば成果は上がるでしょうね。バカな改変者が悪ふざけをしようと考えたのはこれに始まったことではありませんし。仮にそれで上手くいかなかったら、認識災害の類じゃないかを調べてみてください。もしかしたら、こちらを騙して実際とは異なる状態に見えるように思わせているのかもしれません。私もこれに似た業務に当たったことが何度かありますが、最初は不可解で不気味に見えて、裏で何が起こっているのかがわかってみると堰を切ったように秘密が全て漏れて明らかになるんですよ！この件が片付くのはもう間もなくでしょう。

幸運を。
エヴァレット

3/14/22 Test Log 6959-B

TEST-1
Procedure	Multiple Scranton Reality Anchors are placed within the containment cell.
Results	No observed change in the object.
TEST-2
Procedure	Researcher with a high Cognitive Resistance Value is tasked with describing SCP-6959.
Results	Researcher's description aligns with those of less resistant peers.
Conclusion	SCP-6959 has no discernable reality-bending or memetic effect.

3/14/22 実験記録6959-B

実験-1
手順	スクラントン現実錨を収容セル内部に複数基設置する。
結果	オブジェクトに変化は認められない。
実験-2
手順	高い認知抵抗値を有する研究職員に、SCP-6959について説明する課題を与える。
結果	研究職員の説明は抵抗力の低い同等の人物のものと同様だった。
結論	SCP-6959に現実改変的・ミーム的な効果は認められない。

To: Dr. Everett Chalmers
From: Dr. Evan Roerens
Subject: Lack of results
Date:3/15/22

Good morning,

Reluctantly we've made no progress understanding 6959, no reality-bending nor memetic hazards have been identified. We're going to have to start looking elsewhere for information on the object. Try getting into contact with some field agents, let's start with interviewing the people involved with the actual doll's creation.

Best, Evan.

To: エヴァレット・チャルマーズ博士
From: エヴァン・ローレンス博士
件名: 成果が出ない
日付:3/15/22

おはよう。

嬉しくないことに、6959の理解について全く進捗が生まれていない。現実改変も、ミーム災害も全く確認されなかった。どこか別のところに目を向けてオブジェクトの情報を探す必要が出てきそうだ。フィールドエージェント何人かと連絡を取ってみてほしい。実際の人形の制作に係わった人のインタビューから始めよう。

幸運を。エヴァン

SCP FOUNDATION AGENT AUTOMATIC ASSIGNMENT REPORT

| DETAILS: Due to a lack of progress regarding SCP-6959 research Foundation units will be investigating those involved with the production of Fumo Dolls. Agents will be equipped with hidden recording devices and earpieces with Dr. Chalmers issuing orders.
| PERSONNEL INVOLVED: Two agents embedded into popular gaming news website "Kotaku", Director Everett Chalmers.
| DATE: 3/18/22
| TASK: Agents will be asking questions under the premise of a news article related to the sudden spike in popularity of Touhou and Fumo Dolls.

[[INTERVIEW SUMMARY ONE]]

INTERVIEWED: Members of the Doujin Circle "ANGELTYPE".The Circle is responsible for the original design of the Fumo doll, partnering with the company "Gift" in order to produce them. Notably, the first design was of a different character.

<01:00>: Agents begin the interview, directions from Chalmers lead them to question the creation of the Fumo design and its inspiration.

<01:45>: Discussion regarding the origin of the design has yielded nothing, Chalmers orders direction of the conversation towards the character Cirno.

<01:55>: Interviewed are trying to steer the conversation towards other topics. Agents attempt to get further info potentially related to SCP-6959 but fail.

<02:00>: Interviewed have no knowledge related to the assignment. Agents are ordered to conclude the interview.

[[INTERVIEW SUMMARY TWO]]

INTERVIEWED: Designer and Manufacturer of the first Cirno doll produced.

<05:00>: Interview begins, Agents question the creative process of the design and how it was created.

<05:45>: Agents continue to press interviewed about the doll, interviewed are starting to question why they're so interested in a "silly-looking doll".

<06:10>: Discussion has yielded nothing, Chalmers orders use of interrogative tactics.

<07:00>: Interviewed are becoming increasingly uncomfortable, Chalmers orders Agents to pressure them more.

<07:45>: Interviewed have no knowledge of value relating to the assignment. The interview is canceled.

[[INTERVIEW SUMMARY THREE]]

INTERVIEWED: Creator of Touhou, Jun'ya Ōta

<10:00>: Interview begins, Agents are ordered to direct the conversation to Embodiment of Scarlet Devil under the premise that it is their favorite in the series.

<10:30>: Discussion has yielded nothing, Agents direct the conversation towards the character of Cirno and the creative process of designing the character.

<11:30>: Jun'ya has explained the creative process in detail and is trying to steer the interview towards other topics.

<12:15>: After multiple failed attempts to get any more details regarding things related to SCP-6959 Chalmers orders the Agents to engage in Enhanced Interrogation. The order is momentarily challenged but the Agents follow through nonetheless.

<13:30>: Nothing has been yielded.

<13:35>: Assignment canceled, subject amnesticized.

SCP財団エージェント自動任務レポート

| 詳細: SCP-6959に関する研究の進捗が生まれないことを受け、財団の部隊が“ふもふもぬいぐるみ”の製造の関係者の調査を行う。エージェントは隠匿された記録装置および、命令を発す発するチャルマーズ博士と接続されたイヤホンを装備している。
| 関係職員: 人気ゲームニュースサイト“Kotaku”に潜入したエージェント2名、エヴァレット・チャルマーズ管理官。
| 日付: 3/18/22
| 任務: エージェントらは『東方Project』および“ふもふもぬいぐるみ”の人気が突然急上昇したことに関するニュース記事の取材という前提の下で質問を行う。

[[インタビュー概略一]]

インタビュー対象者: 同人サークル“ANGELTYPE”.同サークルは“ふもふもぬいぐるみ”の最初のデザインを作成し、その生産のために株式会社“Gift”と提携しました。特筆すべき点として、最初のデザインは別のキャラクターのものでした。のメンバーら。

<01:00>: エージェントらがインタビューを開始する。チャルマーズからの指示により、エージェントらはぬいぐるみのデザインの制作およびその着想について質問する。

<01:45>: デザインの原点に関する議論からは情報が得られず、チャルマーズは会話をキャラクター“チルノ”の方向に進めるように命令する。

<01:55>: 対象者らは会話を別の話題に転換しようと試みている。エージェントらはSCP-6959に関連する可能性のある情報をさらに獲得しようとするが、失敗する。

<02:00>: 対象者らは任務に関連する情報を持たない。エージェントらはインタビューを終了するように命令される。

[[インタビュー概略二]]

インタビュー対象者: 最初に製造されたチルノのぬいぐるみのデザイナーおよびメーカー。

<05:00>: インタビューが開始し、エージェントらがデザインの創作の過程とそれがどのように制作されたかについて質問する。

<05:45>: エージェントらはぬいぐるみについて話すよう対象者らに圧力をかけ続ける。対象者らがなぜエージェントらはそれほど“変な見た目の人形”に興味があるのかについて質問し始める。

<06:10>: 議論からは情報が得られず、チャルマーズは疑問戦術を使用するように命令する。

<07:00>: 対象者らは次第に不快感を示すようになりつつあり、チャルマーズはさらに彼らに圧力をかけるようにエージェントらに命令する。

<07:45>: 対象者らは任務に関連する有用な情報を持たない。インタビューは中止される。

[[インタビュー概略三]]

インタビュー対象者: 『東方Project』シリーズ制作者、太田順也。

<10:00>: インタビューが開始し、エージェントらは『東方紅魔郷』が自身がシリーズで最も好きな作品だという前提の下で、会話を同作品の方向に進めるように命令される。

<10:30>: 議論からは情報が得られず、エージェントらは会話をチルノというキャラクターとそのキャラクターデザインの創作の過程の方向に進める。

<11:30>: Jun'ya has explained the creative process in detail and is trying to steer the interview towards other topics.

<13:30>: Nothing has been yielded.

<13:35>: Assignment canceled, subject amnesticized.

To: Dr. Everett Chalmers
From: Dr. Evan Roerens
Subject: Field Agents
Date: 3/19/22

Everett,

What the hell is wrong with you? Do you really think ordering the torture of an innocent man was acceptable? I understand being frustrated with the lack of progress, really I get it. That doesn't give you the excuse to do what you did.

Have you considered that we're just dealing with an -EX in the making here? Nothing we've thrown at it has gotten us anything, none of the people who could have something to do with this have anything worthwhile to give us. All the usual things that could suggest some anomalous fuckery haven't been ticked, none of the data we've got shows us anything other than some strange quirk of physics.

Kind regards, Evan.

To:Dr. Evan Roerens
From: Dr. Everett Chalmers
Subject: Re: Field Agents
Date: 3/19/22

Evan,

We are part of the Foundation, our job is to save humanity from anomalies while keeping them and ourselves out of public knowledge. SCP-6959 could potentially destroy the entire Earth, if it takes torturing a man to get some info regarding it then that is what I'll do. Report me to the ethics committee if you want. He was amnestizied and given some medical treatment, no harm done in the end.

I know physics isn't your thing but this isn't a "quirk" of it, the ramifications of this thing being nonanomalous are catastrophic. Strange matter is theorized to have existed at the beginning of the universe, it's thought to be the perfect state of matter. I refuse to believe some nonsense that this is somehow natural. I know you like to act superior in your emails and shit, but I'm not gonna let you strongarm me into denying basic facts of science.

Unkind regards, Everett.

To: Dr. Everett Chalmers
From: Dr. Evan Roerens
Subject: Re: Re: Field Agents

Look, I won't report you to the Committee unless you pull something like that again. That being said while I know physics isn't my strong suit I also know that we've hit a roadblock with this project. We've learned nothing and we're getting desperate judging by your little outburst with the field agents. I've got one last idea, the people in the Thaumaturgy research wing at Site 72 have cooked up this procedure they've called "Merlin-184", they managed to seize some Serpent's Hand documents and reverse engineered a spell that will determine whether something is anomalous or not, I'll link the document here.

Regards, Evan.

Procedure Merlin-184

Requirements: A camera, 5 candles, red chalk, a bladed object

Step 1. Take a photograph of the object you wish to test.

Step 2. Using the chalk draw a question mark surrounded by a circle on a floor, the type of surface doesn't matter as long as the chalk isn't displaced by it.

Step 3. Place the candles in a pentagon around the circle.

Step 4. Place the photograph in the middle, cut yourself with the bladed object and bleed on the photograph.

If all steps have been followed one of two events will occur.

All the candles are immediately and anomalously lit, if this occurs the object has anomalous properties.

None of the candles are lit, if this occurs the object has no anomalous properties

To: Dr. Evan Roerens
From: Dr. Everett Chalmers
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Field Agents
Date: 3/19/22

Merlin-184? Really? Is this a fucking fantasy book now? Since when are we utilizing magic to solve our issues here?

Condescending regards, Everett.

To: Dr. Everett Chalmers
From: Dr. Evan Roerens
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Field Agents
Date: 3/19/22

If you have a better idea I'm all ears, if you don't then I'm messaging the department and we're gonna test this because we have nothing else to go off of.

Annoyed regards, Evan.

3/21/22 TEST LOG-6959-C

TEST 1
Procedure	Merlin-184
Results	No candles are lit.
Conclusion	SCP-6959 has been confirmed to possess no anomalous traits, -EX classification pending.

Director Roerens has requested SCP-6959 be classified as -EX with further research into strange matter pending.

Director Chalmers has rescinded the previous request.

Director Roerens has requested SCP-6959 be classified as -EX with further research into strange matter pending.

Director Chalmers has rescinded the previous request.

To: Dr. Evan Roerens
From: Dr. Everett Chalmers
Subject: -EX
Date: 3/22/22

There is no way in hell we are making this thing an -EX, there is no conceivable fucking way this thing is somehow nonanomalous. It's a goddamn anime plushy that came from space and is made of strange matter, whatever magic you used has got to be bullshit because I know what I'm talking about when I say this thing is anomalous.

Everett

To: Dr. Everett Chalmers
From: Dr. Evan Roerens
Subject: Re: -EX
Date: 3/22/22

There is no evidence to the contrary, everything points to this being natural. We've detected no reality-bending, no cognitive effects, none of the people we've interviewed know a thing and on top of that, we used magic and still it points to a lack of anomalies. I'm gonna talk directly with the O5's tomorrow about reclassifying this thing, if you have anything to say about that you can come to my office.

Best, Evan

The following is a transcript from CCTV recording of Director Roerens's office

DATE: 3/23/22

BEGIN TRANSCRIPT

[Dr. Roerens is seen typing at his computer]

[Dr. Chalmers enters the room, looking slightly disheveled]

Dr. Chalmers: What the fuck do you think you're doing?

[Dr. Roerens is startled by Chalmers' sudden entry]

Dr. Roerens: Fucking Christ, you scared the hell out of me. What do you want?

Dr. Chalmers: I want to know what the fuck you think you're doing try to classify 6959 as Explained.

Dr. Roerens: Are you still upset about this? I told you already, there's no evidence to the contrary.

Dr. Chalmers: No evidence? Have you looked at the damn thing? Here, I've got a replica right here for you.

[Chalmers produces a Fumo Doll matching the appearance of SCP-6959]

Dr. Roerens: You bought one? Aren't those things 500 dollars?

Dr. Chalmers: That's beside the point, take a good long look at it. You're telling me this could somehow resemble something independently created out of the fusion of two Neutron Stars?

Dr. Roerens: It's the working theory with what we have.

Dr. Chalmers: Are you serious? You're fucking delusional, how the hell did you manage to get this job if you're capable of believing something like this.

Dr. Roerens: Calm down, there's no ne-

[Chalmers cuts off Roerens and begins speaking louder]

Dr. Chalmers: Calm down!? You're suggesting that this fucking anime doll somehow existed during the big bang, the entire creation of the universe somehow coinciding with it!

Dr. Roerens: We have nothing else to go off of, that's the only theory with evidence behind it. You read my email.

Dr. Chalmers: So what then!? Did Oda somehow subconsciously get influenced to create a character resembling it!? Did its exact design get imprinted onto the minds of the designers!? Is God pulling some fucking prank on us? One so powerful and divine nothing we can do can reveal the punchline?

Dr. Roerens: We don't know.

Dr. Everett: The ramifications of it being nonanomalous are too heavy for you to be acting so nonchalant, were we destined to recreate it? Have we succeeded as a species now? Are you suggesting that everything we've done is pointless or something? Has every moment past the creation of the doll been a disappointment to some fucking Touhou Deity!?? Is that what you're fucking implying right now?

Dr. Roerens: …Maybe?

[Both Doctors pause for thirty seconds]

Dr. Chalmers: Are you suggesting that the perfect state of matter, the result of matter that existed at the beginning of the universe….is an Anime plushy?

Dr. Roerens: …..Yes?

[Dr. Chalmers picks up an office chair and throws it at Dr. Roerens, the doctors fight for a moment before security arrives to apprehend Chalmers.]

END TRANSCRIPT

STATEMENT FROM O5 COUNCIL

Good morning,

After taking into consideration the events that transpired between Dr. Roerens and Dr. Chalmers, the Council has unanimously voted to not only deny reclassification to explained for the time being, but to also refrain from releasing info regarding SCP-6959 to the public.

The object will not be classified -EX until it is more properly understood and information regarding it can be conveyed in a way to prevent personnel from having an episode similar to Dr. Chalmers.

Dr. Chalmers himself is currently undergoing psychiatric evaluation, he will be denied access to SCP-6959 documentation for the time being.

Thank you.