Item #: SCP-001
Object Class: Safe
Special Containment Procedures: Due to its relatively benign nature, SCP-001 has been classified as Safe and no attempts to locate or directly contain it are to be made at this time. Containment efforts are to focus on the products that it generates, which are to be assigned individual designations and special containment procedures.
Description: SCP-001 is a male human known as "Dr. Wondertainment". It is a Class-I reality bender capable of imbuing otherwise-mundane creations with anomalous properties, focusing its abilities on the creation of toys, board games, candy, and various other products marketed at children. It distributes these items via anomalous means from an unknown location.
Product examples include paper that takes on the properties of whatever shape it's folded into, a playset capable of creating animate shadows, and lollipops that allow people to switch voices.
Addendum 001/1 - History: Due to the elusive nature of the entity, very little is currently known about SCP-001's past. That said, it is known that he was born and raised in a small village, the son of a seamstress and a chartered accountant. Seemingly set to lead a life of quiet desperation in a grey and boring world, he found joy solely in the stories that his father would tell him before bed each night, stories of a marvelous toymaker who made wonders that the world had never seen before nor since. A toymaker who, according to SCP-001's father, was a distant relative of theirs, and whose blood ran through the young SCP-001's veins.
After he grew up, SCP-001 sought the truth of the stories, intent on reclaiming his birthright. He followed any lead he could find, seeking out even the vaguest rumors of dolls that came to life, jumping jacks that really jumped, cuckoo clocks that sang and dance without even a single cog or spring within. For the longest time it seemed as if his journey was in vain and that the old toymaker's secrets were buried for good. But to his surprise and delight, he at long last found a place that made dolls that ran and jacks that jumped and so many other magical things.
He had found The Factory.
The Factory was a trap. It stole SCP-001 and put the young man to work within its grey walls of concrete and steel. It forced him to take part in its mockery of creativity until he almost broke. But instead he escaped, escaped with stolen documents that led him to a cottage deep in the woods, the source of the magic that The Factory had taken and twisted to its own ends.
He entered the cottage, and there he found the workshop of his ancient ancestor. With a small, satisfied smile, he read through the journals and notes and designs. With a soft twinkle in his eye, he took up the tools of his new trade. And finally, with a deep sigh of pure contentment, he-
No.
No no no no.
I mean, yes. Yes, it's a nice story. It's all well and good, all very heartfelt, very intimate. But this is supposed to be an SCP-001 entry, is it not? We need something better than just "a nice story", don't you think?
Good, I'm glad you agree. Let's try again, and this time, let's go for something a little bit bigger!
Item #: SCP-001
Object Class: Euclid
Special Containment Procedures: Due to its unpredictable nature, SCP-001 has been classified as Euclid and is to be detained after its location has been ascertained. Until such time, containment efforts are to focus on the products that it generates, which are to be assigned individual designations and special containment procedures.
Description: SCP-001 is a male human known as "Dr. Reginald Philbert Lionel Archibald Westinghouse Wondertainment III". It is a Class-II reality bender capable of crafting a variety of anomalous items, focusing its abilities on the creation of toys, board games, candy, soft drinks, video games, and various other products typically marketed at children and teenagers. It distributes these items via magically anomalous means from an unknown and very mysterious location.
It is most famously responsible for the creation of the Little Misters™ line of collectible living action figures that have inspired many imitators but no substitutes. Examples include Mr. Fish, Mr. Laugh, Mr. Soap, and Ms. Sweetie.
Addendum 001/1 - History: Due to the magically elusive nature of the entity, very little is currently known about SCP-001's past. That said, it is known that he comes from a long line of Wondertainments, all of them unparalleled toymakers in their own rights. It is also known that he is an immortal being that has been around since the time of the dinosaurs, creating magical toys for all the good little dinosaur children. It is also also known that he doesn't actually exist at all and is merely a manifestation of fun and delight that sprang fully formed from the imagination of every child around the world.
Whatever his origin, he is a truly grand old chap, capable of creating wonder with a wave of his hand, entertainment with a snap of his fingers, and whimsy with a wink of his eye. Though there have been no verified sightings of SCP-001 and the details tend to vary, he is typically described as being a tall man wearing a purple suit and top hat, carrying a walking stick, and sporting a long, W-shaped mustache. Adjectives used range from "dashing" to "amazing" to "really quite handsome for his age".
Mention has also been made of an unusual set of scars encircling both of his wrists, almost as if at some point his hands had been removed and sewn back on again. The truth of this matter, much like all else about this mysterious entity is-
Ugh, no, no, and no again.
As devilishly suave and debonair as this roguish maverick may be, his story is still missing something. It needs to be bigger not just in style but in scope as well. Perhaps the introduction of a supporting cast is in order?
Item #: SCP-001
Object Class: Keter
Special Containment Procedures: Due to the excessive amount of product that it outputs on an annual basis, SCP-001 has been classified as Keter and is to be shut down as soon as a practicable method of doing so has been developed. Until such time, containment efforts are to focus on the products that they generate, which are to be assigned individual designations and special containment procedures. Disinformation campaigns, forged product recalls, and the elimination of advertising materials are to be directed at SCP-001 in order to ensure the public has either a negative or negligible awareness of it or its products' existence.
Description: SCP-001 is a corporate entity operating under the trademarked logo "Dr. Wondertainment™". The collective abilities of its constituent employees are equivalent to that of a Class-III reality bender capable of crafting a variety of anomalous and very affordable items, focusing their abilities on the creation of toys, board games, candy, soft drinks, video games, collectible trading cards, puzzles, musical instruments, and various other products typically marketed at children, teenagers, and young adults. They distribute these items via anomalously XTREEM™ means from a mysterious location known only as "Wonder World™". Factory tours run Tuesday through Friday, every hour starting at 11am.
Some of the more prominent products to have come from the geniuses in their R&D department include Dr. Wondertainment's Dragon-Snails™, Dr. Wondertainment's Super Science™ Li'l Chemist Kit™, Dr. Wondertainment's SCP Foundation Containment Site Playset™, and the vaunted Vend-a-Friend™ system! Buy 'em all today!
Addendum 001/1 - History: Due to the economically elusive nature of the business, very little is currently known about SCP-001's location, leadership, or corporate policies. Not even those who currently work for them or have worked for them in the past seem to have any clear knowledge or memories regarding SCP-001's general status save for the fact that they have all the fun all the time.
The main headquarters are variously described as basic administrative offices, an enormous toy manufacturing plant, a theme park where the rides never stop, the best darn place you could ever hope to work, or some combination thereof. So don't delay, put in your application today! We're hiring for all positions, particularly for the most important job in the entire company: Dr. Wondertainment's Regal Legal Department™! Just log onto our website at-
Right, so, I think we may be getting a little off track here.
Crass commercialism is certainly an easy way to get a quick buck, yes, but turning your SCP-001 collection into one giant advertisement wasn't my intention when I hacked in with my Dr. Wondertainment's Digitally Delightful Hacking Sui-
Gah! Sorry! Won't happen again.
No no, you see, what I'm trying to do here is create art. And not that ridiculous "Is Anyone Else Feeling A Bit Chilly Yet?" kind of "art". I'm talking about providing you with an SCP-001 entry for the ages! Something with a little more pop! A little more zing! Something that will appeal to the 17 to 38 demographic!
Oh, I know! How about we change things up a bit?
Item #: SCP-001
Object Class: Thaumiel
Special Containment Procedures: Due to her irrepressible and utterly out-of-control nature, SCP-001 is both uncontained and potentially uncontainable. All Foundation personnel are advised to either join in on the madcap adventure or stay the golly-gee-heck out of her way.
Description: SCP-001 is a female humanoid known as "Dr. Isabel Helga Anastasia Parvati Wondertainment V". She's a totally badbutt Class-IV reality bender capable of just about anything your wildest imagination can come up with, focusing her abilities on the creation of a bunch of zany stuff made for children of all ages! She distributes these items via super-duper-ultra-anomalous means from wherever she happens to be at the time.
She is responsible for a lot of the sillier SCP objects found throughout the universe, stuff like this and that and maybe this one too? Sure, why not! But not that Pretendo thing, because video games rot your brains, kids.
Addendum 001/1 - History: Due to the wild and wacky nature of the entity, very little is currently known about SCP-001's past. She is theoretically the daughter of the "original" Dr. Wondertainment, but the exact method of Wondertainment reproduction is this whole weird area, so who really knows?
She inherited the family business when her dad (who might not be her dad) died under mysterious circumstances involving a mass murderer, the leader of a shadowy international extra-governmental paramilitary organization, at least one deity, and four bent paper clips, all of whom may or may not have been the same person. She runs said business with the help of her loyal sidekick Emma Aislethorp-Or-However-You-Spell-Her-Name-Brown and her even more loyal corgis Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy, Jeremy, and Jeremy.
The perpetually lazy SCP-001's favorite activities include eating ice cream, sending Jeremy out to fetch things she doesn't really need, holding her breath to see how long it takes for her to pass out, and … and … and … oh, for Pete's sake!
Okay, so it is definitely a fun, silly thrill ride with silly jokes and a couple of empowering female protagonists, and that's great, I love it. But again, this is for the SCP-001 bracket! It needs to be grand, and majestic, and powerful! It needs to be …
It needs to be something true.
Well there we have it, don't we? You want to know? You want to know everything there is to know about Dr. Wondertainment? About what I really am? You want the truth?! Well here it is, boys and girls!
HERE COMES THE TRUTH
Item #: SCP-001
Object Class: Apollyon
Special Containment Procedures: Due to its inherently chaotic nature and virtually unlimited power potential, there is no known method of effectively containing SCP-001.
Description: SCP-001 is a deity-level entity commonly referred to as "Dr. Wondertainment". It is a Class-V reality bender capable of altering or outright breaking every fundamental principle upon which the cosmos is based, focusing its abilities on the creation of a virtually infinite variety of anomalous items. It distributes these items with a mere snap of its fingers from anywhere in the universe it happens to be at the time, which can literally be anywhere.
Did you think that the little trinkets with my name on them were the full extent of my creations? Did you truly think of me as such a small, petty creature? I am no mere toysmith, Foundation, no mere trickster. I am a god. The god of chaos, the harbinger of madness, the progenitor of insanity, and the bane of all who would try to shackle the universe in their cloying chains of order. I have tugged at the edges of that order and unraveled it, creating and unleashing the very anomalies you seek to contain, all to show you how wonderful and amazing and frightening and deadly the universe can be.
You want examples of my creations? Then look upon your collected list of anomalies, Foundation. Look upon those of the Unusual Incidents Unit, the Office for the Reclamation of Islamic Artifacts, the Global Occult Coalition, and so many others. I made them. I made them all, from the most harmless Safe to the most nightmarish Keter, and they are mine!
Are We Cool Yet? The Circus of the Disquieting? Marshall, Carter & Dark? The Church of the Broken God, Anderson Robotics, the Fifthist Church, and so many more? My institutions! Mine! I founded all of them, created all of their artifacts! Their leaders?! Their GODS?! When you fight against the likes of FULLER and ION and MEKHANE and THE SCARLET BLOODY KING, you were really fighting against ME! I AM ALL OF THEM, I AM EVERYTHING YOU FEAR AND DON'T UNDERSTAND! I AM THE GOD OF PURE CHAOS, AND YOU WILL BE DRIVEN BEFORE MY POWER, YOU WILL CRUMBLE AND DECAY INTO NOTHINGNESS, YOU WILL BOW BEFORE ME YOU
WRETCHED
PATHETIC
Hold on, sorry, I'm getting a call on the other line.
No, yeah, I have to take this.
Won't be but a moment.
Item #: SCP-001
Object Class: Neutralized
Special Containment Procedures: N/A
Description: Ah, yes, hello, I'm back again. Sorry about that. You know how it is.
So.
As I am quite certain you have already guessed, I have not, in fact, been 100% truthful this whole time. Not even when I said I was going to be. I'm sorry about that too. Though I have to say that, given the varying nature of our relationship over the years, I hardly expect that a single Foundation employee that's been reading this has believed a word of it anyway. What reason have I given any of you to believe anything I have to say, after all? None, I suppose.
So the question, then, is why would I even bother doing this? Since I don't even expect you to believe me, why try? Because … well, because I like you, SCP Foundation. I also hate you, and am indifferent to you, and I wish you would stop meddling in my affairs, and I'm glad you take the time to care about my customers' safety the way you do.
You see? It's complicated. But after all the time we've been frenemies, I feel you deserve at least a little something that lets you put a few of the pieces of the "Dr. Wondertainment" puzzle together. Not the whole truth, perhaps, but still, something real.
You see, I am all of the things I have said.
I am also none of them.
And, perhaps most truthful of all … I have no idea what I am anymore.
It feels like it's important, doesn't it? To mold everything around you into easily understandable shapes. It's what you lot try to do all the time, of course, both the Foundation specifically and the human race in general. And I know why you do it, believe me. A lack of understanding is a very dangerous thing. Entire civilizations have been swallowed up whole by their own ignorance. And so you keep on drawing patterns across the universe to keep the howling madness of your surroundings at bay.
And there is a part of me that wishes I could do the same for myself. That wishes I could wind everything about myself down into a single thread. It would not only make things easier for you, it would undoubtedly save me a great deal of stress as well, let me tell you. How different things would be if I just knew for absolute certain that I am a magician obsessed with making toys, or an amoral businessman seeking the bottom line, or an heiress with cartoonish superpowers, or a god of thunder and chaos, or just a simple tinkerer plying his trade in an attempt to bring a little bit of magic back into the world.
But it's only one part of me that wants that certitude. There is another part, you see. A part that wants to show you that understanding a thing isn't supposed to be about containing the parts of it that you don't get yet. That wants to make you realize that understanding a thing on its own terms and not just strictly yours can lead you to a world of beauty, delight, and wonder.
It's a small but important voice in my head that speaks to me with a child-like sense of awe and curiosity. And when it looks out at everything I've done and everything that I am, it smiles, laughs brightly, and asks …
"But what are you going to be next?"
I invite you to come along with me, SCP Foundation.
Let's find out together.
翻訳には自信がありませんが
＞現時点では所在地を特定
現時点では所在地を特定、 としたほうがいいかもしれません
＞一見した所、
所はひらがなのほうがいいかもしれません
＞内部に歯車やばねが一つたりとも無いのに
漢数字ではなく半角数字のほうがいいかもしれません
＞彼は「工場」「ザ・ファクトリー」
ルビに「」はいらないようにおもえました
＞「工場」が私物化して自らの目的のために捻じ曲げた魔法の源、へと
「、」はいらないかもしれません
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